I've come to realize that young people are most interested in being "interesting". The world rewards them for being interesting. Interesting is what draws the most right swipes, most college acceptances, and clout.
As a teacher, I've been able to observe this from a distance by throwing myself out of the equation and then throwing myself back into the mix right after. Call it the perks (or misfortune) of being a young teacher. This should also explain why this article isn't an attestation to me calling myself interesting. I would never do that, especially when I know my friends are reading this.
What follows is my (unsubstantiated) theory of how people try to be interesting and how to do it right.
Designing yourself to be clickbait
By the time most young people have decided that they want to be interesting, they realize that they have spent a god-awful time fitting into the system or society.
But "interesting" demands uniqueness. It demands attention in a conversation. So, what do we do then? We look at the world around us for clues.
We look at the people around us. We look at Instagram stories and reels with audio that make everything seem 10x better than it might be. We started desiring the same. Monkey see, monkey do.
If your roti, kapda, and iPhone are taken care of, then you are looking to collect quests that give you a sense of belonging. These are status-driven games we play to feel better about our lives: food, clothes, shoes, concerts, and stories to prove that you have been there and done that. You see this amplified on dating applications. Everyone is posturing. Their physical appearance seems to have the single purpose of maximizing their dating pool. Their dogs too.
This is devoid of thinking about whether we feel strongly towards those outcomes. This explains why modern dating seems shallow, Instagram stories seem fake, and overall, young people feel a sense of existential dread. There is no life if there's no intention.
Status-driven games are zero-sum. They don't add any real value to your life, and most people will be able to see through it. You can't live a farce life to look interesting.
Being clickbait is tempting, but if there is no substance after, people will look away eventually. It could also explain why influencers (and politicians too!) are scared of their shelf life.
How to be interesting (and be honest about it)
Find what you care about
While this might seem like you need to find a high and mighty cause or an area to care about deeply, it doesn't need to be. You are not trying to play a status game here, as we established. Find what you care about at this moment. It could change as you age or get richer or poorer.
A friend of mine who has a remote-first job cares about taking trips every quarter, meeting new people, diving if there is a sea around, and collecting stories. He's intentional about designing his life around it.
An uncle of mine is passionate about music and record players. He has been nurturing his passion for three decades now. He spends countless hours on random corners of the internet to find the original copies of records. He thoughtfully assembles his music room with each piece of equipment handpicked from across the world.
I found myself to be very passionate about solving problems for young Indians. I think there is just so much we can do together. Our country has one of the youngest populations in the world with so much potential. It just felt like the thing I wanted to do.
Find what you care about. It doesn’t have to be profound or permanent. Humans are in a constant state of flux.
2. Build range by being curious
Our systems have murdered everyone's curiosity. I use the word "systems" broadly. It includes our education system, the culture we are brought up in, and the content we surround ourselves with. It has made us the intellectually lazy generation. We don't care about things unless they impact us or our status in society.
But if you observe interesting people, they have range. People want to know their opinions on a range of topics. This happens because they primarily believe that this individual spends time and forms opinions on a wide range of issues.
Obama isn't a musician, nor a movie critic, but people look forward to his recommendations every year across books, music, and movies.
Building range isn't about knowing stuff. It is about having opinions. You don't need to claim to be an expert; in fact, you shouldn't. Nobody likes a know-it-all. But people appreciate thoughtful opinions. Add a layer of thought or intention to whatever you do. How you do anything is how you do everything.
For example, I don't think I become an interesting person because I run two companies and also pursue long-distance running. I think it is interesting because of the insights I can generate and share with people as a result.
Being in education that focuses on communication led me to think about how the system of arranged marriages in India has led men never to learn how to listen or communicate with the opposite gender. Being in mental health has led me to understand how babas have filled in for the mental health gap that exists in the country.
Building range isn't easy. It requires you to do the following things. I can't do justice to all these topics because they require an essay of their own. I shall get to that soon.
Assess your curiosity: Do you think about the world around you and ask questions?
Being open to randomness: How often do you open yourself up to random conversations and experiences with no clear intention?
Increasing your surface area of serendipity: Do you regularly pursue things outside your comfort zone?
Curate what you consume: Are you conscious about what you read, listen to, and watch?
Be intentional about your life
When we are young, we often don't think much about how we interact with the outside world and how we treat ourselves. We run on auto-pilot for most of it
Amit Varma mentions this Annie Dillard quote often:“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
A while ago, I wrote about a few sets of principles that made sense to me and I intended to live by. It has helped me to be intentional about my interactions with the world and myself.I find the concept of a life audit fascinating. It is an opportunity for you to sit and think about what you want to change, what you want to keep, and who you want to keep.
It also lets me take stock of what's truly important. What trade-offs am I okay with, and what will I not do?
Most of us wait for an inciting incident to start being intentional about a certain aspect of our lives. A premature death could have us suddenly focus on our health. A breakup scare means you become more aware of your relationship. It doesn't have to be that way, though.Listen to Annie. Think about the way you spend your days. What content do you consume? How do you interact with the folks you come in touch with? How many questions do you ask daily? It is all you have.
Being interesting has always been the fortunate byproduct of being passionate, caring, and intentional. Keep it like that. Don’t be a human clickbait.
Very interesting! Love public record.